amazing

who-was-that?!

A Husband and wife are in the shower together when the doorbell rings. The wife puts on a robe and goes down to answer the door.

In walks her husband’s friend Ben. The woman tells him her husband’s in the shower and asks if he can come back later. Instead, Ben steps in and quietly says, “I have $400 in my pocket. I’ll give it to you if you’ll open your bathrobe for me.”

She’s offended, but really needs the money so she agrees, opens her robe, and lets Ben have a quick peek before doing it up again. Ben gives her the $400, and she opens the door for him to leave, but he says, “I have another $400 in my other pocket. I’ll give it to you if you let me touch your br*a*ts.”

Now she’s really mortified, but again, she needs the money, so she undoes her robe and lets him have a quick feel. Taking the other $400 from him, she lets him out the door.

Going back upstairs, she gets back in the shower with her husband, feeling a little bit guilty.

“Who was that?” the husband asks.

“Oh, that was just Ben,” the wife answers.

“Ben?” the husband says. “That jerk owes me 800 bucks!”

Wife Vs Girlfriend

Wife is like a TV *
*Girlfriend is like a MOBILE *
*At home u watch TV, but when u go out u take ur MOBILE*
*No money, u sell the TV, got money u change ur MOBILE*
*Sometimes u enjoy TV, but most of the time u play with ur MOBILE*
*TV is free for life, but for the MOBILE , if you don’t pay, the services
will be terminated*
*TV is big, bulky and most of the time old!*
*But the MOBILE is cute, slim, curvy and very portable*
*Operational costs for TV is often acceptable, but for the MOBILE it is
often high and demanding*
*TV has a remote, MOBILE doesn’t*
* MOBILE is a two-way communication
(u talk and listen),but with the TV you
MUST only listen (whether you want to or not)*
*Most Importantly:*
*TVs don’t have viruses, but MOBILE ’s often do…*

Drunken man

A drunken man staggers in to a Catholic church and sits down in a confession box and says nothing. The bewildered priest cough to attract his attention, but still the man says nothing.

The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak.

Finally, the drunk replies, “No use knocking, there’s no paper in this one either.”

Everybody’s job

This is a story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody.

There was an important job to be done and Everybody was asked to do it. Everybody was sure Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it.

Somebody got angry about that, because it was Everybody’s job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn’t do it.

It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done.

funny thing

Little James was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked on him to answer a question.

"James," she said, "if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?"

"None," replied James, "because I would shoot one and the rest would fly away."

"Well, the answer I was looking for is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you are thinking."

Then Little James said, "I have a question for you now.

If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting the cone and the third was sucking the cone, which one is married?"

The teacher blushed and answered meekly, "Well, I’m not sure. I guess the one sucking the cone…"

"No," said Little James, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you are thinking!"

Being me

The strength and happiness of a man consists in finding out the way in which God is going, and going that way too.